This book will single-handedly eradicate the need for parenting and schools. It's that useful.

It's a cruel, cruel world out there, a harrowing place filled with crime and illnesses, taxes and grief. And swans. But help is finally here. TommyInnit's Guide to Survival will teach you how to:

- Navigate peer pressure using simple, fun solutions, such as violence

- Survive being mugged, by humans or animals

- Become famous in various ways, some of which are even morally defensible

- Fall in love - with other actual humans

- Overcome the mean voice in your head

- Quickly and easily defeat Godzilla, sharks with arms . . . and swans

When the apocalypse hits, you need to be ready! So read this book. Read it hard. And then read it again.