1001 Funniest Things Ever Said

Here are a thousand and one laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There's something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue . . . from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups, including:
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."" --Rita Rudner"
"I don't know if it's good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto." "--Yogi Berra on being told that Joe DiMaggio was to marry Marilyn Monroe"
"If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything! If you don't stand for something, you don't stand for anything." "--President George W. Bush"
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"I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died."" --Malcolm Forbes"""